Baby it's COLD outside!

You KNOW it's winter when Texas is freezing, my GOODNESS! I'm sitting here staring at 10 inches of snow on my back deck, listening to my dog snore and watching the birds...I've officially become an old lady and I am a-ok with that. I know a lot of people struggle with seasonal depression this time of year and there were years I struggled with the same. But I love to be home, sipping on my strong black coffee, grateful I don't have to be out in this mess. I used to require activity, I NEEDED to be busy... it didn't need to be extravagant, but I needed action. Today, I haven't showered or worked out, I'm still in my old man thermal pants with 5 day dirty hair just sitting here enjoying life. Peace, the Peace that passes all understanding.

Exactly 364 days ago I was gearing up for a hysterectomy, I cannot BELIEVE it'll be a year tomorrow, time really does fly when you don't have a uterus demanding 1000% of your attention. I didn't want to have surgery, but I also wanted to be able to leave the house without packing extra underwear, pants and maxi pads big enough to kayak on. I wanted to have a baby, to be pregnant and crave weird food, I wanted that baby to look like my mom with her big brown eyes and sass. That's what I wanted. But as my stepdad used to say, God rest his soul, 'ya can't always get what ya want...' you know the song...I can still here him sing it to me as loud and obnoxious as possible while he stomped his woody (his fake leg) on the floor to the beat of the song... man I hated him in those times. I wonder if he knows how important he was to all of us? I sure hope so.

God says that 'in the world there will be trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world.' I think a lot of time people think that when you love God, rainbows and fluffy kittens fall from the sky...when in reality, our faith is sometimes tested in the most drastic of ways. I'd started going back to church October of 2017 and in March of 2018 I was laid off, in April my baby brother was shot and I had to face my father who I hadn't spoke to in eight years and my step-mom's family who basically ex-communicated me when I was 14 because I told them they were drunks and needed help... it was a very trying time. When I came home the end of August that year it was about a month later I started hemorrhaging, I believe because of the stress I was under, which lead to multiple surgeries, medical menopause thanks to a monthly Lupron shot and an eventual hysterectomy. Did I mention the guy I was dating dumped me because he couldn't 'handle my body issues' and wanted me to weigh 140 pounds... what a dick... I knew I should've ended the relationship before it began I was 36 and had been single for awhile and I needed something in my life to focus on besides my cantankerous vagina....sorry, TMI?

Well, here I am, one year post-op, feeling better than ever and I'm in love, ass deep in love with a man sent straight from the good Lord himself. For years, I mean YEARS I prayed for a Godly man, but I knew He was going to have to move him in next door or put him in front of my car, I didn't go anywhere to meet anyone, I'd dabbled and quit online dating (don't waste your time) and ya know what He did, He answered my prayer and moved him in next door. God is good and when the time is right, He WILL make it happen. Stay the course, find the peace that passes all understanding. Because when you can TRULY let Go and let God work in your life, you will be blessed be3yond anything you could ever ask for or imagine.

He wants to work for your good, sometimes He's just waiting on your faith. Ya only need mustard size faith, that little seed can grow and grow in to a mustard tree, which if you know anything about those babies, they're impossible to cut down or remove. Just start with a little if that's all you've got, stay true to it, pray for it, day after day after day and let Him work in your life the way He wants to. I may never carry a baby in my body, but I know that if it is God's will that I will be a mom someday and my Peace that passes all understanding has the perfect plan for me, the same as He does for you. Be blessed my friend.