BOUNDARIES- Why they're VITAL to self-preservation

What or who is holding you back from living God’s best for your life? Usually, it’s someone close to us that we need to set a boundary with. Sometimes it’s a spouse or parent or kid or best friend. Maybe it’s a grandparent or co-worker or sibling. We love our families SO much and we want the best for them, of course!

But often that comes with not respecting boundaries and I know that for my own family, this is a HUGE issue. We’ve been breaking boundaries my whole life! So much so that when my cousin shared her revelation with me about a month ago, I said, “YESSSSS! You are SO RIGHT!” But how do we change it now? Well, it’s never too late. And we do it with love, love is ALWAYS the answer. Sometimes a simple conversation will suffice, if it’s someone who loves you, they’re usually grateful for the observation and are willing to respect the boundaries you put in place.

How do you do that with someone you live with or a child who doesn’t understand the word? With kids, it’s a bit different, but I think all kids should learn the benefit of boundaries, so they’re not taken advantage of or manipulated as they grow up. What a concept! Of course, our spouses will be the hardest, but they love you most! They committed to a life with you, setting boundaries is VITAL for a happy marriage.

You can set time boundaries, physical boundaries, conversational boundaries, relationship boundaries, personal boundaries, and content boundaries. I love ALL these ideas. Let’s break them down a bit.

Time Boundary- I had to learn to set a time boundary with my business. I answer messages and check social media at specific times of the day. This took YEARS. I think if we all did this as it relates to scrolling our feed, we’d have a lot more time in the day to do all the things we need to do.

Physical Boundary- these are especially good for our kids to learn. What is and is not appropriate for your personal space. Set it, live it and don’t make anyone feel guilty about it. If your kid doesn’t want to hold hands or hug someone, don’t make them. They’re allowed to have their own boundaries.

Conversational Boundary- topics you are and are not open to discussing. Maybe it’s politics, this one rarely ends well if you’re on opposing sides, but how about gossip? We know what scripture says about it, it’s a sin and to even participate in it is sin. Is that a boundary you need to set?

Relationship Boundary- these are usually mutually agreed upon between your partner and close friends and family. Maybe you don’t mind the ‘pop in’ maybe you do. Set clear boundaries with your people.

Personal Boundary- don’t apologize for these and don’t shame someone for theirs. They may have experienced some sort of trauma you’re unaware of. Always respect other people’s boundaries. These are boundaries within yourself too that you know keep you from going back to old ways or ensuring you’re staying on track with God’s way and not the world’s way.

And lastly, one of my favorites but one we don’t talk about a lot.

Content Boundary- Listen up Christians! Things you will or will not consume as it relates to the type of television you watch, the music you listen to, what reels you watch on social media, the language of the songs you listen to is sooooo important here. This is a big one for me. If there are too many curse words in the first three minutes of a movie, I’m out. I ain’t got time for inappropriate use of my God’s name or a certain ‘F’ bomb that many movies think just have to be in there.

I used to use that ‘F’ bomb quite frequently, not one of my proudest moments but one I’ve moved on from. My grandma Vanderpool always says; “cursing is a sign of ignorance.” Grama Pool always spoke biblical truth and she really didn’t care if you agreed with her or not. She was usually on point if I’m being honest.

Set boundaries for yourself. Respect the ones others set for themselves and let your kids set their own. They know who and what they’re comfortable with. You’ve raised them right, let them decide who gets in their personal space.

Who do you need to set boundaries with today? Maybe even your reflection?