Confessions of a newlywed

I've been married for 23 days, and I feel like the last 21 have been a real struggle. People keep asking us, how's married life.... and at first, we were like, uh great! Then the third time someone asked, I said, ya REALLY wanna know? We strugglin bro.

Since when did it become ok to gloss over everything and not share your true feelings? Its social media, isn't it? OF COURSE IT IS. No one wants to be the guy, or girl on the struggle bus, but if we're honest with ourselves, MOST OF LIFE IS A STRUGGLE. Can we just knock if off with the, everything is OOOOK mentality and speak real life for second? I LOVE my husband, like, really freaking love him. He is kind and thoughtful and sweet. He is attentive and has the work ethic of my grandpa, which says a lot. He IS amazing and I there is NO ONE I'd rather be married to. But, let's face it, being married isn't called a COMMITTMENT for nothing.... it's a FULL-TIME job, on top of the one you already have, whether a wife, mom, SAHM, working mom, we all have so many 'jobs' we're doing and we don't really want to see marriage as a job, but let's face it ya'll, some days is just IS and it's freaking hard.

We're reading the book 'Cherish' by Gary Thomas and if you're a Christian and want to live a Christian marriage you should totally pick it up. Last week I was reading thinking to myself, I'm not cherishing my husband and I know he ain't cherishing me. To LOVE is one thing, we can say that easily, but to actually CHERISH someone is quite different. It's to never speak ill of them, to love and support them in their dreams but also their daily life. I need to be better at this..... like, big time.

So, how do you go about 'cherishing' someone who irritates you at every turn? We have to keep the eyes of Christ. D doesn't irritate me at every turn, but once I found myself frustrated over one thing, everything he did bothered me, even the way he chews his food. And who wants to live that way? I don't and I know he doesn't either.

For almost a year we've gotten up together at 4am to do devotionals together, but since the wedding, I've been just exhausted. 10 months of planning something by myself emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted me. The change in weather exhausts me, I'm just tired. And the dog has been waking me up at 3 almost every morning to go out, then I can't sleep because hubs is snoring beside me.... so I'm ANNNNGRY. There's one thing I don't do well without, ok two things, my sleep and my workouts. If I want to keep my shit together and be the good-God-filled woman I hope to be, I need those two things... ok, technically, I only NEED Jesus, but the other two make a huge difference...along with my morning matcha and poo. Listen ladies, I swear, if you don't wake up with your hubby and do devotionals together, START TOMORROW. I'm pretty sure this has been a HUGE contributor to our lack of 'sync' the past few weeks. I know it has for him and the longer I've gone without it, I notice the change in me.

I don't want to be an asshole or anything, I really don't. I want to love AND cherish this man of mine, because he deserves it. I know that I am a massive pain in the arse at times and I knew it was going to take a very special man to put up with me. And I found my God loving human, and I need to give him a break. I told him as such last night and we got up again and did devotionals together this morning.

At the beginning of our relationship, I remember God saying to me 'give what you want to get.' and for the longest time I have...until I haven't and I swear, as hard as it is sometimes, ladies, we've GOT to go above and beyond. Even when we've done the laundry and cleaned and cooked dinner and picked up his socks for the 34482890423 time... keep doing those things. CHERISH your man, pray WITH him, remember that God created him perfectly for you and in those moments where he's snoring so loud you want to legit, KICK HIM out of your bed, don't. He works hard, he loves you, he's trying to make his way too.

Let's start to 'give what we wanna get' and even though men are slow learners, maybe, eventually, he'll catch on and start to reciprocate.... that is the hope isn't it? We all want to be cherished, even your husband who won't admit it. He needs that too. He's not as good with sharing his emotions as you are. So give him the benefit of the doubt, grab his toosh when he comes home, sex him up, cook him dinner, let him watch football for the 3rd day in a row and just BE with him. Remind him of those early days when you were dating and doing all these fun things together. ALWAYS date your spouse, ALWAYS. Even if you have to make the plan, YOU have to initiate the sex even if you don't want to. Let's WIN our relationships back, let's remember that God made a man to be with a woman because we needed to balance each other out. Your strengths are not his strengths, and your weaknesses are not his weaknesses. Let's pray that we can be the wives and husbands our spouses need us to be, not who we think we should be, but who God calls us to be.

Sometimes I have to tell myself that it ain't all about me, that I've gotta give what I wanna get and be willing to not 'get' at all. Let their happiness be your happiness and watch what happens to our relationships.

It's been a rough first three weeks, but I am hopeful that today is a new day and God's mercies are new each day, so mine (and hopefully his) can be too.