CONFESSIONS OF A NEWLYWED- JUST LET HIM BE

Do you remember the book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? My mom had a copy when I was a kid and dang, I wish I'd have read it. Truer words have never been spoken. And even if you haven't read the book, you get the gist just from the title.

We are diffffferent creatures... yet God created us, man and woman, to live together in Holy Matrimony. Sheeeesh! If only He'd have given us a manual.... oh wait, He did! The Bible bro!

We had a rouuuuugh weeks 2-4 of marriage and if I'm being honest, 5 & 6 weren't great either. I found myself thinking more than once, what in thee actual HELL did I do!? It wasn't pretty. We were not being Godly towards one another at all.

I come from a long line of yellers, and I SWORE that I wouldn't be 'that guy' so I try to keep my calm when we have a disagreement but the hubs isn't used to that so he saw it as me being patronizing and passive aggressive. I need time to process our argument, but he wants it solved right then and there. He's a 'don't go to bed angry' kinda guy and sometimes I just need to sleep it off, so I don't say something I'll regret. It's a good balance I think but not always the easiest when we're trying to 'work something out.'

We're reading the book 'Cherish' by Gary Thomas and it's helped us so much. It's amazing how the personal development habit from my business has bled over to my marriage, it's a beautiful thing and I highly recommend it if you haven't adopted your own routine. When we spend time together reading scripture and words from someone who's been where you are and can offer advice, you both feel the conviction to improve instead of pointing out the flaws of the other person.

I know hub's weak points and he knows mine and oftentimes we're inclined to point them out thinking we're being helpful... when we're actually not... D said he'd quit smoking before we got married, I was a smoker for a long time, and I loathe the smell. It's been a huge area of contention in our relationship, and I know he wants to quit, and I also know that my incessant nagging isn't helping... yet I can't seem to stop. Lord, help me. I want him to live for a long time, and yes, I hate that he smokes, I'm a dang health and fitness coach ya'll! But he needs to do it on his time, and I need to pray that he'll feel the conviction to do what's right. It isn't about me and for me, that's a hard pill to swallow, lol. I know he hates my OCD (I hate it too, I've just lived with it so long it's like breathing) kinda like his bad habit, minus the breathing, insert the smoker's cough, lol. I know my OCD is ridiculous, I've had to explain to him that it isn't a reflection of him or how he's done something, wrong, it's just my brain and I AM working through it.

What's my point? None of us are perfect and the second we try to point out or correct the other person's wrongdoings or our view of how we think they should be, no one wins, and contention is built. And we don't want that. We need to love and cherish each other as they are, and as the person we fell in love with, and we need to pray over the areas of both our lives and ask God to reveal to us what He'd have us do instead of worrying about everyone else. As my grama Pool said when we went to visit her last week; "you'll never change anyone, you just need to love them as they are and let them be who they are." Wise words from a woman who was married 62 years. Let us ALL tap into the power of self-discipline, to abide by His will instead of the will we want to inflict on our significant other. When we become who God needs US to be, He'll do a work in our person as well.

Marriage is hard. I've only been married 8 weeks and it has been a significant period of growth for BOTH of us, myself more so because I'm the 'reforming' control freak of our relationship (note the OCD mentioned above). I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone else, he is my very best friend and I love him more each day. I want to love and support him and make him feel cherished and significant and I can't do that when I'm trying to change him, even if it because I want him to live longer. Only God can change our heart and I know that through scripture and this book, that He is changing mine. Pray over your spouse, that he (or she) will become the person God needs them to be so you can be who each other needs you to be. I pray this for myself as well, Lord, let me be who You need me to be so I can be who D needs me to be. God > Husband + Wife and you'll win every time.