Confessions of a Newlywed-SEX ADDITION

Can we talk about married sex for a hot second? Or maybe I should say, can we talk about HOT married sex for a moment? I know sex is a weird subject and I can promise you that my husband isn't super excited about me writing this topic; he's a quiet type, people don't need to know our business kinda guy and I get that, so out of respect for him, I won't tell you about our amazing, hot sex and how this newly wed, can't get enough. I won't tell you about any of that. (insert winky face emoji)

I'm shocked that married sex feels so different than not married sex... is that weird? It is though! I don't know if it's the, knowing that he's mine or the commitment we made to each other or the fact that we don't have to feel guilty about it, but it's just better. Married sex is way hotter than not married sex; I'm just going to put that out there. I know now why God deemed sex for marriage and not outside of it. When you do it right, the married way, there is nothing like it.

I'm going to be really honest with you. Darrel and I committed to not having sex until we got married last January and we did great.... for about three months. And then I got Biote hormone replacement pellets and I shot that all to the crapper. I won't lie, it was all my fault.

We'd say, every dang time, ok, no more, we're saving it! And then a few days later or the next day or the week after we (ok, me) would slip again... he can't tell me no and I'm not good at being told no, sorry hubby, and so our fleshy selves won.

I wish we'd have waited, we talked to God a LOT about it, while we were in the middle of our mess, ok, not the middle of sex but after or the next day. Like, Lord, GIVE US SOME SELF-CONTROL! He kept reminding us that He already had, we just weren't using it... ouch.

I started having sex when I was 17. I always said I was 'saving it' until marriage but I lost my virginity to my high school boyfriend. I know I'm not alone here. I was 'in love' or so I thought. My mom found a condom and accused my stepdad of fooling around, he assured her that he wasn't and asked what the actual possibility was... she freaked first and then she talked to our pastor about it. It was not a fun time in our house. He basically shamed me when I came home from college, he wouldn't even LOOK at me. I'd been part of our youth group for years and he shamed me instead of talking to me about sex and the repercussions of it outside of marriage. In his defense, I was an 18-year-old girl and probably wouldn't have listened, because let's face it, how many times did someone older than us tell us something when we were kids, and we did it anyway because we thought we 'knew everything.' Hindsight and all...

Why does God say to keep sex for the marriage bed? Well, any girl out there who's 'given it up' and had her heartbroken can answer that question. Sex is intimate, it's the most physically intimate you can be with someone. It's a commitment to be held, not thrown around like confetti. As women we need affection, it often defines us, whether we want it to or not. When we give the innermost parts of ourselves to a man and they break our heart, we KNOW that feeling and it SUCKS. That's why we SHOULD save it.... but that's also why we don't. Often times, we think our worth is in our vagina and a man won't love us if we don't 'give it up.' I know I felt that, over and over and over again.

Today there are agendas after agendas trying to steal the purity of sex everywhere we turn. It's thrown around to young people everywhere. It's not sacred anymore, it's in TV shows, music, social media and we've accepted it as the norm when it shouldn't be.

Sex should be saved for marriage. But what if you haven't? First step, let go of the shame. Secondly, ask God for forgiveness and repent. But repent means to actually stop your sin. And this isn't easy when your body responds to a man the way it does. Sex is beautiful, it feels good and with the right man, your husband, it becomes something else entirely. I'm learning to let go of my body image issues, I've learned to (try) to see myself as my man does. He loves every imperfect part of me, my scars and stretch marks, the dimples on my butt. THAT is true intimacy, and it comes through marriage, through the commitment to stay together, for better or for worse.

I've used sex to fulfill a void. I've woken up next to a man in my bed and didn't know his name. I've used sex as a weapon. Even after recommitting to God seven years ago, when I met Darrel, I got drunk for the first time in almost four years and jumped his bones. I've been having sex for over 20 years, and it's been a hard drug to let go of, which is why I haven't. But I have to forgive myself and so do you.

We can shame ourselves for having sex or others can shame us for choosing to wait. Choose to wait. If you fall and fail, it's ok, get back up and try again. We have to let go of other people's opinions of us, even if that's the relationship we're in that pushes us to 'give it up instead of wait.'

Can we have real conversations about sex with our kids, our nieces and nephews and the people we care about? Can we stop pushing the sex agenda on our young people? It's weird, it's uncomfortable and most people won't listen. I'm not sure I would've either. But if you truly want God's BEST for your life, for your marriage, for your kids and friends and family; stay strong and do the work most of us aren't strong enough to do.

Sex is a gift, truly, from God. He didn't just happen to give you a g-spot or a clitoris, he designed you perfectly, to seek pleasure with your man, so you can experience that feeling together. True intimacy isn't just the physicality of sex, it's the true, unconditional love between a man and his wife. It is sacred and it matters. Find someone that respects your boundaries, and a God-loving man will.

Ladies, we have to stop giving it up so easily. You are WORTH the wait. Married sex is worth the wait! Trust me. If you're married, you KNOW what I mean. That intimacy you feel with your husband is irreplaceable. It makes the bad times good, it brings light to your life, it can heal hurts, it can draw you together more than anything else. It's something you have ONLY with each other, that your kids or job or in-laws can't take away. So, enjoy it! Have LOTS of it! MAKE time for it! Reconnect with it!

And if you haven't waited, it's not too late. Start again! Let go of the shame you've felt if you haven't kept sex for marriage. Have a real convo with your man, connect in another way, intimacy comes in many forms, find one! But if you have waited, I'm PROUD OF YOU! I admire you! Don't ever let anyone shame you for that either. Keep fighting the good fight!

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