Confessions of a Newlywed- Sex vs. Intimacy

Can you have sex without intimacy and intimacy without sex? ABSOLUTELY. What's the difference? The definition of intimacy calls it, 'closeness, familiarity or friendship. Also, an intimate act.' Sex without intimacy feels shallow and without love, if you're having this kind of sex with your spouse, you need a serious sit-down conversation. My love language is Quality Time, for me, the most intimate times in my marriage, besides sex, is when hubs and I can lay on the couch together, watching a show, either in the same chair or not, just knowing we're together. One of the times I feel closest to him is when we're doing our devotionals in the morning or holding hands when we walk. That act of physical touch for me, knowing he claims me as his, is a true INTIMATE act, for me. Sometimes, usually Sunday, we shower together, sometimes it leads to sex, sometimes not, either way, that time together is one of intimacy.

The shower was a hard-sell for me at first because I hold so much insecurity about my body; I am covered in stretch marks from gaining 100 pounds and scars from my breast reduction and hysterectomy, and for a long time, I was afraid to be naked in front of my husband because of it. But this time together, him loving me as I am, has been one of the most intimate, emotionally healing times of my life and I'm not sure he even realizes it.

How are you making an intentional intimate effort in your relationship? With kids and jobs and just being all around exhausted and overwhelmed, our intimacy can be placed on the backburner if we're not careful. I know so many women hold insecurities in their bodies and when they haven't had time to shower because of a sick kiddo or have put on five pounds because they have no time to themselves, the desire to be intimate goes out the window.

For a 40-year-old who gained 30 pounds the last year and has dealt with hormone issues and lack of sexual desire, I can tell you, that while kids haven't taken my sex drive, unfortunately, my body has robbed me of times where my husband wanted something I just wasn't emotionally able to provide. And that SUCKS. I don't think we realize just how dangerous it can be to let these, sometimes subtle things, overrun our lives. We MUST take control of our health, we must SEEK answers until we find them, no matter how insane our doctor may make us feel (I'm sure I'm not alone here). It was YEARS before someone took me seriously about the lack of energy, focus and sexual desire I was experiencing.

Sometimes, you're just tired and I get that. But sometimes it's deeper and you owe it to yourself, to your marriage, to the people who love you and need you to do everything you can to live your healthiest life. It is rarely easy to find answers but it IS worth it. We have to know our bodies and how they operate at their best. When our hormones are functioning properly, our thyroid is functioning properly, we can exercise more, the desire to eat better comes more naturally, which means we're more confident, have more energy, which leads to chemical changes in the brain, serotonin released, confidence built and sexual desire returns marriages are healed and we can truly discover that level of intimacy that maybe started as sex, but leads to so much more.

God created intimacy for a reason, He created sex for a reason. We owe it to ourselves and our spouses to be proactive when our intimacy starts to suffer. It may just be exhaustion, which means you need time to rest, but it could be other factors. Take your health seriously, take your feelings seriously. You deserve to feel your best and your husband needs that for you too, he just has no clue how to help.

I can tell you that Biote hormone pellets have changed my life. I was exhausted, cranky, zero libido, or focus. For two years my doctor told me that I was fine, my thyroid numbers were 'in range.' Well, guess what, when I finally found someone who took me seriously, because I knew I wasn't FINE, she had me medicated by the end of the day and a plan of action that has changed my life the past six months.

Fight for the intimacy in your marriage. Maybe you need a babysitter once a week so you can rekindle that fire. Maybe you need a new doctor's opinion. Maybe you need to delegate in your home. Maybe you need to move more or cut sugar or refined carbs from your diet. We're all different and require different things, but one thing we ALL need, is to feel desired by our spouse. When we feel that, the intimacy starts to build, and it feels damn good.