Have you forgiven yourself?

For 15 years I hated myself, I didn't know I did, but after my healing process looking back I self-sabotaged after my rape because I didn't feel worthy. I thought that I could never be loved, that I was broken and would never be made whole. This was a lie placed in my head by evil and I had to overcome it.

As weird as it sounds, it was way easier to forgive the guy that violated me than it was to forgive myself... sounds so f'd doesn't it? But it's true, I put myself in the situation, he was a friend I thought I could trust, he' been to my home, out to eat with my family and someone I spent significant time with... WHY would I think this was my fault??? But I did.

What have you done in your life you haven't forgiven yourself for? There's usually something there; maybe binge eating or starving yourself, maybe cheating on a test or relationship. Maybe spending money you didn't have or wanted to save, maybe gossiping about a friend then losing them. Maybe you need to forgive yourself for perfectionism, for feeling contempt towards a spouse or family member. Whatever you're punishing yourself for, you've got to find a way to let it go.

God gives us grace daily, we don't deserve it and we cannot earn it. His mercies are new every day. So why, can the GOD OF THE FREAKING UNIVERSE forgive us, but we struggle to forgive ourselves? Have you ever asked for forgiveness for something over and over again? I have, I do it often. We need to stop. Once we ask and repent, He wipes our slate CLEAN YA'LL, He FORGETS IT! Why can't we?! We can, but it takes practice. Daily practice.

People tell me all the time that I'm more disciplined than they are and that's simply not true. I've just built a daily discipline to start with prayer and ask God to lead and guide my day, my thoughts and actions, even what I wear and how I do my hair. I know how ridiculous this sounds, but if you follow me at all on social media you know I'm a HUGE believer in personal development and one of my favorite authors and preachers is Joyce Meyer and she said it this way, it changed my LIFE! God created the world and everything in it in 6 days, then took a nap. Everything is small to Him, He can fix everything in our life in a breath but He wants us to come to Him of our own free will, which is why He gave it to us in the first place. EVERYTHING is small to Him, THIS is the lesson here. Do not be afraid to hand Him your biggest and smallest issues because He wants to have a hand in all your decisions. He wants to help you, bless you, lead you to what's right. So, don't, for a second, think that you can't ask for whatever it is you need to live a God-filled life. JUST ASK.

Now, let me be clear. God is NOT a genie in a lamp, but He will give us what we need, in due time. Sometimes it looks like we want it to, but often not... but better. But it starts with letting go, forgiving those who've hurt you, yourself included, not for anyone else's sake but your own. The bible states very clearly that if you ask for forgiveness you better be prepared to give it. We can't ask for something we're not prepared to give. Start with your reflection, go forgive yourself right now and let's start the healing process so you can move on and live the life God has created for you. In Jesus' name. Amen