I'm NOT fine. I'm not ok. It's ok.

I feel like I have so many things to say, but where to begin. How do you, as a Christian woman talk about all the things you're 'supposed' to without coming across as a 'Jesus freak' or 'bible thumper?' Well, I'm not sure I can because if those titles are what it means to Love God with my whole freaking self then by golly, call me whatcha wanna.

Listen, WOMEN, we've GOT to get past this worry we hold about a perfect body, perfect kids, perfect relationships. We all know, IT AIN'T REAL... so, whyyyy do we think we need to have it altogether? We're not fooling anyone and quite frankly I think we'd all be a little more kind to each other if we just faced facts and shaed truth. If you ask someone, how are you, be prepared that they may say; well, my kid didn't sleep last night and my husband snored, so I'm freaking EXHAUSTED and I haven't showered in three days. Don't say, I'm fine, if you're not fine, own your mess, let us pray for you. If your husband is being an ass, tell your closest girlfriends, if you're holding resentment from him, pray over him, talk to him, talk to someone, stop trying to 'manage life alone' you're not meant to carry all that burden.

It's become some right of freaking passage to have your 'shit' together, and lemme just tell ya, most of us, do NOT. I share my life on social media because I want people to feel the goods and bads, you're NOT alone. Share your mess but don't be afraid to share the good stuff too. False humility gets you nowhere and God ain't a fan. Sit with Him, pray over your life and circumstances, good and bad. How can you be a good steward of your blessings? I don't know, I'm tellin ya to pray!

No one has life 'figured out' and the older I get I realize just that. We're not supposed to. We're supposed to grow and become better each day. And we do that, not by running away from our mess but facing it, owning it and praying through it.

If you follow me at all, you know how much personal development has changed my life, to this day, seven days a week, I'm doing personal development from anywhere from 5-60 minutes depending on the day, what I feel God calling me to or the crap going on in my life.

Darrel and I went through a really tough season a few months ago, finances were a struggle and he HATES it when I share but damnit, God has blessed us the past few months and He deserves the credit. We sold his house the end of last year and knew we were going to get a big check, the check that was going to 'set us up' for our future and allow us to not just start our married life debt free, but our future for retirement. Now, we're not millionaires by any sense of the word, not even close but we secured a nice little nest egg for ourselves, thanks be to God. I prayed God would move in my future husband next door... and He did. Two years ago D bought the house next door and the past two years we've been together i KNOW it's a true gift from God, but that wasn't the ONLY gift. Lake property in our area is hard to come by, a house goes up and it sells.. We're sitting on two, so not only did God deliver us to each other but He gave us the gift of his home. Last year after we were engaged, God really started to speak to me, yes He talks if you'll listen. He put the conviction on my heart to sell Darrel's house, we talked it out, prayed it out and here we are, living on a mountain top. But firrrst, came the wait....

In all good fashion, good things, come through struggle. We sold the house the end of December 2021, but couldn't close before February 28th or we'd have to pay capital gains tax, uncle Sam and all. So, we waited and waited and the people who bought the house's mortgage company was online and they were slooooow. So while we sat here making plans for how we'd spend our cash, God was worrrrrking on our hearts and MAN did He works us good. Married couples most fight about SEX & MONEY baby and we're not even married, we've given up sex until we get married and so MONEY it is! The struggle was real, the arguing was real, I'm a 'pray over it, God'll handle it' kinda girl and well, Darrel is not that kind of girl at all lololol.....it was getting tight. But, God. God always provides, we never made late payments, we never went hungry, we never went without but still in those moments we struggled.

Leggo babe, leggo, let your shit go, let your mess go. Talk it out, pray it out, work it out. All to His glory and you can NEVER lose. We always had the same goal, it just looked different, we're different people and thank GOODNESS for that. You will always have strife and struggle in this life, scripture PROMISES IT. And the bible is the living, BREATHING WORD OF GOD BABY! Read it. Learn it. live it! In Jesus' name! Be good stewards of your finances, relationships, friends, bodies, thoughts. Find people you trust to talk out your struggles and to celebrate with! We got a new couch and washer and dryer and shed and golf cart, grown up purchases, things we've wanted and most we NEEDED. We're building a home together and that's something to be proud of and grateful for but I felt wrong in sharing the goodness because I know people out there are struggling. But GOD! GOD has blessed us! Not just in finances but the ability to talk out, pray out, cry out our mess to each other and for that I am MOST grateful.

We were created for connection, so stop looking to social media for a false sense of self or pride or ego or whatever it is you're searching for. Go straight to the Father, the ONLY ONE who can truly fill the emptiness you feel inside. Because, while I can tell you I am grateful that I can do laundry and not have to worry about the house burning down or sitting on a couch that may or may not hold us or worry about how we're going to fit 70 combined years of life in to one small home, GOD is still good. He is STILL faithful and in the valley we faced last year and on the mountain we're (mostly) on now, He IS, ALWAYS HAS BEEN, AND ALWAYS WILL BE THE SAME.

So the next time someone asks, 'how are you,' answer honestly, whether good or bad and the next time you ask someone, let them answer honestly, and see what kind of connection you can build how you can pray for that person, encourage that person, listen to that person, celebrate with that person. You may be the only person that's asked them in forever. People CRAVE connection, they just want to be heard. So, let's use our two years to listen and our ne mouth to speak, speak love and kindness and grace and blessings. Because no matter how good life gets, there will always be another valley. And no matter how bad life gets, there will always be another mountain. Be grateful in each, because we learn in each, we're humbled in each, we can be an example in each.

'To God be the glory great things He has done, so blessed He the world that He gave us His Son. Who yielded His life an atonement for sin, and OPENED THE LIFE GATE THAT ALL MAY GO IN.'

'May God bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you & may He be gracious to you. May He turn His face to shine upon you and give you peace.'